Monday, 29 September 2008

Ladies night

Today we seem to have an all female line-up this week. Not through a carefully and well thought out selection process, it just seems that Space were onto something when they sang about the female of the species being more needy than the male. (shock shock horror horror)

Q. The bride/groom of a wedding wanted to set me up with a great guy from New York that they thought I would "hit it off with." He was single and "looking." Because he came recommended I let my guard down (got a wee bit tipsy) and told him I thought he was cute. He returned the favor, and by evening's end we engaged in steamy kisses and innocent fooling around. I told him I visit NY often and he took my number. The problem: I cannot stop thinking of those "hot" stolen moments, but have not heard from him. I'm confused. Did I kiss him too soon? Does he not like me? Is it a distance thing? What went wrong?

A. Go into your bathroom. Now take a look in the mirror. There's your answer. Why do you think you were single to begin with?

Q. My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago over the phone. For the last 9 months we were together, I felt uncomfortable about telling him what was lacking in the relationship due to fear of losing him. I finally got up the courage to share my wants and needs with him 2 months ago. Unfortunately, I did not receive any feedback nor see any improvement. He never opened up with me, so I started constantly reminding him about my feelings (and no, I don't believe I was nagging). He finally gave up and told me that he was unable to provide the kind of emotional support I deserve. I felt wounded and even had the urge to ask him to reconsider. But I thought about it and realized that he may never be able to open up with me, so I decided to let it go.
I'd like to know what really went wrong in our relationship in order to move on and I have a feeling that there were issues he would not address. In order to find closure, I suggested we meet this weekend, which he agreed to. My question is- considering that he seems to have difficulty sharing his feelings (even when he tried to break up with me on the phone he sounded apprehensive), how do I get him to open up and share his honest feelings with me?

A. Okay, firstly the problem may not be that he's not sharing enough of his feelings as much as you're sharing way too many of your own and are coming across as needy and insecure. And guys hate that in chicks. So my advice to you is whenever you feel anything. And I mean ANYTHING! repress it. Push it deep deep down until you are alone and able to vent it without embarrassing yourself. May I suggest weeping uncontrollably into a pillow, or that old favourite, self harm?

Q. I’m a 29-year-old female whose once active social life has been slowly disappearing. Many of my friends are now married and some of them have at least one child. As they became coupled and got married our friendships changed. Their time suddenly seemed to be available only to their partners and to gatherings with other COUPLES. I am rarely invited to these and have felt unpopular, alone and forgotten. I hate the way I am feeling and the fact that I have no control over losing my friendships. What can I do?

A. This is obvious. Their spouses and significant others are in direct competition for your friend's eliminate them! Your local library should have plenty of crime books, both fiction and reference, so do your research first and don't repeat the mistakes you read about. As a friendly pointer to get you started; most females prefer poisoning, as they are far too girly and soft to use a masculine method like shooting/stabbing/beating with their own dismembered leg.

Q. I’m a girl who is really strong on rules when it comes to guys. When I was younger, I was more naive and didn’t understand men or realize the importance of playing “hard to get.” Then I read the book “The Rules,” which led me to change my views on how I should interact with the men I date. Essentially, it taught me to treat a guy I like the way I would treat a guy I don’t like- because the men that women aren’t interested in always seem to be very attracted to them and vice versa. Therefore, in order to win the guy you really want - you have to appeal to that competitive side of him that causes him to want what he can’t have. Some of the ways that I play it cool are to never call men that I meet and/or keep myself “busy”, so that I have little available time to go out.
When I follow these rules they work well for me. My problem is that I met this man at a function the other night during which I foolishly had too much to drink. He asked me back to his place and I went. We didn’t sleep together, but we did kiss quite a bit and talked until 9 in the morning, when he gave me a ride back to my place. Over the past two days we have been emailing each other and last evening he said repeatedly that he can’t stop thinking about me and can’t wait until he sees me again. He then asked me out for a drink this week-end. My “rules” usually prohibit me from going for a drink on a first date because I believe the man would take me out for dinner if he were really interested. I really like this guy but fear that his attraction to me will be less because I went to his house the other night. Should I tell him I am busy and cancel the date? I don’t want to appear too eager and ruin something that I think could be great.

A. I have two very important pieces of advice. Firstly burn that freaking book and any other self-help empowerment crap in your home...No! make that home-town. Secondly Quit whatever the hell you do now and become a dominatrix. Not only does this pay better (unless what you do now is Sir Alan Sugar's apprentice) but it will allow you to fulfill your freaky controlling power trip in a controlled environment ( Because remember kiddies, real life doesn't have safewords!) and treat this relationship as individual, like a normal person would, rather than following your stupid rules, that,since you're still single, obviously weren't working anyway!

Well with that I'm off to try get this damned space song out of my head.

No comments: