Monday, 31 October 2011

Halloween Reviewfest Conclusion:

Dear Jimmy Reviews...

Up until last year’s allegedly final film the ‘Saw’ franchise was something of a Halloween tradition, and is something that seems to have divided cinema goers. Some see it as a lumbering dinosaur of a series that had long since worn out it’s welcome, whereas others see it as nothing but shock whoring ‘torture porn’. But there must have been some sort of a demand for it, since the series ran for a total of seven films with many fans still hoping for an eighth. Then again, this game got a sequel, too, so that’s probably less an indicator of quality than it is an indicator of how many people are dumb enough to spend money on something.

I’ll put my hands up to personally being a fan of the films, though, mainly due it having some fairly intelligent writing under all that gore and it’s sticking to analogue special effects in a digital age, for the first seven movies at least. Plus Tobin Bell’s performances each year were always the films’ saving grace. One thing that EVERYBODY agrees on unanimously, though, is that the game freakin’ sucks and couldn’t be salvaged by a million Tobin Bells!

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Halloween Reviewfest Part 2

Dear Jimmy Reviews...

What is it with the closing title of horror trilogies? This franchise goes ahead and pulls an ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’. After the first two Urban Legends movies were slashers this one goes ahead and decides “Fuck it, Y’know what? Ghost.”…Or witch…Or Demon… Some such paranormal shit, anyway. At this point I’m just glad that the Third Scream film didn’t turn around and reveal that the killer wasn’t wearing a mask at all, but was in fact an alien with an actual face that looked like that. Then again at least that would’ve had some kind of semblance to the films that came before it, unlike this crap.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Halloween Reviewfest Part 1:

Dear Jimmy Reviews...

To celebrate Halloween I'd kick off another review triple feature by representing my review of ‘The Happening’! Or as I like to call it ‘The Crappening’, or ‘The Nothing’s Happening’. Seriously, this thing is worse than ‘The Blair Witch Project’ and has been a running joke of the site for years. But why exactly do I have such a porcipine up my ass over this one terrible film? I mean I review bad films all the time, right?

Thursday, 20 October 2011

20th October 2011

Don't worry folks, I am still hard at work on the reviews, too. But since I'm all but finished them, blind stinkin' drunk and don't have any step kids to beat I decided to vent my frustrations on this bunch of losers instead

Can anyone please advise me of how to get your website high in the search engines online with google etc without spending a fortune on paying someone who says they will do it and probably does not do it anyway?

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Sunday, 16 October 2011

Classic Review: Transporter 2

Okay, what to say about 'Transporter 2'? It’s shit! …What? That doesn’t count as a review? Could’ve fooled me! Fine! Let’s do this thing right. Damn my journalistic integrity!

Friday, 14 October 2011

Look Who's Come Crawling Back...!

Okay, I've decided that it's time to cowboy up and get around the technical issues that are plaguing the new site. So I'll be using this again as a temporary measure until I get the re-launch organised. Meanwhile you can keep up to date by following me on both Twitter and Facebook.
But not MySpace. Never MySpace! I know it's been over a year, but there is new material on the way. Starting with an upcoming review this Halloween...

So be sure to spread the word. 'cause Dear Jimmy's back!