Friday, 19 September 2008

Dear jimmy- Nothing to do with Sophie Ellis Bextor lyrics

Well now that that's clarified (thank you very much google!)I would just like to welcome anybody who found this thing through the Projectwonderful ads I took out (now that I've decided to stop being a cheap bum) aboard. Hope you enjoy it and will be sticking around. So grab a seat, get comfy and let's get to the letters, shall we?

I have been reading your column for over 5 years and it has helped me with my relationships tremendously. I have just married the love of my life this past month. We are both 28 years old from NY and this is both our first marriage.
We have been together for over four years. My problem that I am exteremly jealous of my husbands past. When he was in college he lived with his girlfrend for 3 years. They went on many vacations together, had pets, their familes were close etc. It feels to me that even though they weren't married, it was very close to it. Now that was are living together for the first time now I can see how close they were, and it is making me jealous. Every "first" we have doesn't feel special to me because he already had that with someone else.
Its tearing me up inside, its even affecting our sex life because whenever I want to be intimate with him I think of all they have done and I get turned off. I know he's done nothing wrong and it's all me. Please, I need some advice how to get over this!

Well that's great to hear, especially since I've only been doing this thing for a couple months. But let's not dwell on that. Or your terrible grammar. I mean: 'Now that was are living together for the first time now'? If this is such an important letter you'd think you'd proof read it first! Let us, instead, focus on your problem. Since it matters to you that you're the first and there's nobody before you to get jealous of, may I suggest you ditch the relationship you've nurtured over four years and instead rob the cradle get yourself an 12-year-old toyboy? That way everything you do would be a first. Simple when you think about it.

I need some advice, and definitely some perspective on a relationship problem. I am very much in love with a kind and wonderful man and am getting married next month. We are both 30.
About three weeks ago I borrowed his computer, and found that he had been looking at a significant number of pornographic websites. This is not a big deal for me, I know it is normal, and every past boyfriend I've had has admitted to looking at porn.
However, my fiance has told me any time this has come up in the past that he doesn't like porn, and that he finds it degrading to women and distorts mens' view of 'real sex.'
So of course I asked him about these sites and he flat out denied it -- and promptly deleted all his internet history and cookies. I tried to make it safe for him to tell me by assuring him I think it is normal, but he continued to angrily and vehemently deny he ever looks at it or likes it.
So I let it drop, and then this weekend I noticed him in our home office looking at pornographic sites on the computer. I checked his internet history (which is sneaky, I feel bad about doing it) and he had indeed been cruising various porn sites while I was just in the other room. I let a day go by and then asked him about it-- trying to be really gentle about it and non-accusatory- and he completely lied about it, and got very very angry at me for bringing it up again. I told him that I clearly know he was, and it is no big deal, but he will not admit it.
Please give me some perspective on this. I am really worried because we are getting married really soon. I completely trust him not to cheat on me or abuse me, but I am really hurt by his lying over this. What do you suggest I do to put my mind at ease? I don't think there is any way he will ever tell me the truth about this, and I really don't want it to come between us.
Thank you for your help!

Okay, guys 101:

1) Guys like porn.

2) Some guys are embarrassed by porn.

3) Some girlfriends should stay the hell outta some guys business.

Thus endth the lesson

How can you tell love is real?

Do you not have Facebook? That is where you shall find this very sought after knowledge. However if you do not forward the ancient viral posts that contain the wisdom that you seek then there is a high and terrible price to pay. these can include (but aren't limited to): never knowing true love for yourself, being killed by a dead girl's ghost coming up through your shower drain, dying in your sleep, being raped by a zombie, having your penis drop off.

i am falling in love with a women who is 17 years older then me lives 3 hours away and is my step mothers cousin and two years ago i slept with her daughter can this work? (sorry about my grammer)

It's okay, given your question I'm amazed you managed to form sentences at all. Although I do think it's adorable that you misspell 'grammar' in a sentence apologising for your grammar, but, Hell, I'm amazed you managed to arrange those funny little squiggles into words. Based on your letter this woman (or these women, it's a little ambiguous) are, what? 22?
That's based on the fact you've evidently got to be about 5...and/or a moron. Based on this I'll keep my answer simple for you...

hope that helps.

Okay with that we all got through another 'Dear jimmy', it's okay guys. it's over for another ten days. and for you new guys....yes. All the letters I stea---I get are this stupid.


Daniel said...

Dear Jimmy.
It's cute that you don't use capital letters for your name.

Love Keymort

P.S. You are a faggot.

P.P.S. You are so witty. Really witty. I want to have sex with your witty-ness. Not with you though, because you are a faggot and I don't bend that way.

Anonymous said...

Daniel, do you have a problem with the gay community? How narrow-minded of you. Really, most people have accepted that some people are different then them. I'm going to guess that you're a rarity where you're from; based on your letter and your narrow-mindedness I will guess that you are from Texas and actually went to college.

Dr. Jimmy- the agony uncle said...

You see Daniel the lack of capitals is to differentiate myself from th Sophie Ellis Bexter song.
As for the other stuff, while I'm not gonna start a flame war, I will take this oppurtunity to assure everybody that I am NOT in fact a ball of meat off-cuts and offal.