28th July 2012

Man, it's Olympic season! Are you all hyped?! Yeah, me neither. Screw that noise. So let's wait for the starter's pistol and just dive into the mailbag to see what everybody wants to discus this time around.

A few years ago I had a dream about having sex with a women, and after thinking about it I found the idea a real turn on and have since regularly masturbated using this fantasy, last year I had a look a lesbian porn and enjoyed it. Having had some time to think all this through I am wondering what the next step should be? I am single and really am not interested in dating but would like to meet a women with who I could have a sexual experience with.

This doesn’t mean you are necessarily a lesbian, as much as exploring that side of your sexuality. To be certain what I suggest you do is pick up the hottest woman you can in your nearest lesbian bar for a night of dirty kinky sex, and film it.

If you then send the videos here to the Dear Jimmy offices I will go over them looking for signs of arousal or disgust. This will probably involve watching them numerous times, possibly joined by a crack team of experts…But only if they pay the admission charges.

Classic Review... I Know What You Did Last Summer

Dear Jimmy Reviews...

 

In 1997 we saw the release of the first film of what would (very) eventually become the ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ trilogy. But was this just another sub-standard slasher? Or is it a cut above the competition

25th June 2012

Okay. It's that time again. Time to once again assure you all that I'm still alive and that the Internet is still stupid. There has actually been a valid reason for the lack of updates beyond my laziness this time, but I'd rather not delve into that. So instead let's delve into the mailbag...!

Dear Jimmy Reviews Iron Man (PS3)

Dear Jimmy Reviews...

If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m kinda a comic fan-boy. That can sometimes make me more forgiving than I probably should be with Comic book tie-ins when it comes to games. Take ‘Web Of Shadows’ for instance. Despite the fact that most fights are basically me abusing the hell out of the web-zip attack, the way the street crimes are so boring you’ll very quickly ignore them, and even the quick time events that appear outta nowhere with no warning are all mitigated by my enjoyment of the web-slinging, and the feeling that I’m fucking Spider-man.( By which I mean to say that I am Spider-man and I am so excited about this I used an expletive. As opposed to implying that Peter Parker and I am having carnal relations.)

So if web-slinging is entertaining, then surely soaring around at mach-whatever in the Iron Man armour must be the most amazing thing ever, right? The answer is a resounding ‘kinda?'

21 Signs That You're In Wuv

So you’ve met someone new, and you’ve fallen head over hook, line and sinker for them. You can’t finish “hello” before ripping their clothes off.

Yep. Remember kiddies: Sex = Love. Always!

Your cheeks are so pink they’re visible from space.

That actually just means you’re kinky and into spanking. Because kinky sex = True love. Always!

It must be love! Or is it?

Because who knows your own feelings better than yourself? That’s right, some random stranger off the internet.

If you recognise more than a few of these signs, chances are it’s the real thing – and you may just be in it for the long haul.

20th January 2012

Okay, so evidently somebody stole half of my last post. Either that or I was drunker than I thought. Who the hell knows? Well while I get to the bottom of that, here's the newest update. In it's entirety...I hope.

So theres this guy I like, a lot, his amazing and I think the world of him. He and I were close at one point but then suddenly he stops meeting up with me and even texting me back. We talked since then and we're becoming closer again and we talked about it and he called it "running away" and that he did it to everyone and that after he "ran away" from me he got close to another girl and did the same to her. He says he still likes me and that I mean a lot to him but I don't believe him, part of me doesn't want to because I'm scared that he will run away again and I will be suddenly all alone and I don't even know what I did wrong and it really confused me. He also likes a lot of people at the same time and one minute is all nice and loving and wants to be around me the next he wont so much as talk to me and...I just don't know what to do. I keep trying and putting effort into this and he...well...I don't even know if he likes me, its all just really confusing and I feel like I'm in the dark....help?

Hmmm...Well, while I can't speak for this boy I am glad that you're beating yourself up over this, because one thing is for certain: This is definitely your faulty somehow. Maybe you're fat, maybe you're ugly, maybe you're ungodly annoying. All I can for certain is that the reason things didn't work out for the two of you is something to do with you, and that is precisely why you deserve to be alone forever. So good luck with that.

31st December 2011

Sorry about the late update, folks. I'm combating yet another virus here at the Dear Jimmy headquarters. I know, I know! That'll teach me to stream badly dubbed German hardcore pornography on work's computers. But in my defence, once you've seen 'Das Butt' there is no pornography that's worth watching other than badly dubbed German hardcore pornography.

There's this guy I've been seeing on and off for almost a year now. We tried the whole dating thing but it didn't work out because I was moving too fast for him. We stopped talking for a bit but then decided to become friends with benefits. The thing is I still have feelings for him and would like him to be more that just my sex buddy. At the moment I'm playing him at his own game and keeping him at arms length. I say when and where and if we have sex at all. (Its how he treated me when we were dating) we've been like this for the past 3 months and now things seem different. He's asking to see me all the time and calls me when he's drunk to tell me how much I mean to him. The thing is when he's sober he blames his actions on the alcohol and says he's only telling me what he thinks I want to hear. I'm done with pretending I don't care about him and I want us to try again. But how can I be sure that he feels the same? Does he even like me at all, or is he just in it for the sex? They say actions speaker louder than words, and so far from his actions I feel like he doesn't want to put himself out there because he's scared of getting hurt. I don't want to either because I've been hurt before (by him no less) I can't see myself confessing my true feelings for him until I'm sure he feels the same way. How can I find out how he's feeling without revealing my true feelings for him? I don't want to get hurt again.

Okay, now I admit I'm an agony uncle, and not a consulting detective, but using all the detective prowess I picked up from watching both Sherlock Holmes movies and twenty minutes of an old Jeremy Brett 'Casebook' episode I would infer from the fact that he has told you he only wants sex, only tells you otherwise when he's drunk and horny, and admitted, many times, when he's sober he's saying what you want to hear so he doesn't want to lose the chance to have sex with you that he only wants you for sex. Elementary, my dear retard!