22nd August 2012

The mail sure has been mounting up and I've not had chance to reply while I've been hard at work on my Olympic channel surfing training regime. Luckily Coach has allowed me 5 minutes to answer some letters.

...That doesn't mean I have a trainer. I'm on about the old Craig T.Nelson/Jerry Van Dyke sitcom. It's on an ad-break.

 Just to clarify, I hate tattoos, always have done, I think it's desecration of the body, not art. I have only ever seen one that I thought was ok, it was a musical scroll (I am a musical person) delicately etched on a girls foot. It didn't mean I liked them.

My daughter (a maddening free spirited wild child if ever there was one) loves them, thank the good sweet lord my son has more sense, but then he is a doctor. I told her if she ever got one I'd disown her. On her 26th she got the top of her ear pierced, disgusting, I hated it but she liked it. I thought it made her look like a tart and told her as much, but at least piercings can seal up. Though she still has it.
The for her 27th she got a tattoo or her buttock. She didn't tell me she was getting it until after it was done. It's a heart made out of musical symbols which she had done instead of an "I love mum" tattoo. She thought I may like this. I don't. Flowers say it much better in my mind.
She turns 29 in 2 weeks and today she came in sporting not one but two new tattoos and a new piercing. One tattoo is at the top of her back and the second is at the bottom. I was furious. I can't even use the "not under my roof" line with her as she has been living independent since 19. She now intends to get at least 2 more. A sword down her thigh for her father, my husband, as he loves claymores and the arabic for salam (peace) behind her ear. 
I have begged her not to get anymore, have asked her to think about what she will look like when she is 80. Her answer was "why are you worried about that? I won't be embarrassing you at that point will I?" I was furious!
Can she not see that they are tacky? Please someone tell me a tattoo horror story I can tell her to stop her from getting anymore!!

…Okay…I think I have one… You should tell her about this one woman who I heard about, who got a couple of tattoos and piercings and so her over controlling religious nut job mother wrote this long rambling letter about how they were ‘tacky’ and made her look like ‘a tart’ and it got posted on  the internet for all to see, even though the daughter was living independently as she hated the mother so much that she moved the fuck out the second she was able to. I think the thought of her mother turning into an overbearing bitch like that would scare the shit out of her

Jimmy World News: Olympic Channel Surfing Edition

Time for your daily dose of stupid whining. According to The Daily Mail the BBC's attempts to cover EVER SINGLE FUCKING event of the Olympics, bringing them to the homes of the millions of people who were disappointingly unable to get tickets, has been a complete failure! And all because the sheer enormity of the Olympics and volume of events happening simultaneously forces people to change channel half way through an event. And apparently pushing buttons on a remote is equitable to an Olympic event now! 

"Stop doing that! I feel like I’m participating in the Olympics, chasing after the TV channel." 

cried one whiny bitch. Fuck! Throw in a stipulation about having to eat Doritos and drink bourbon and it'd finally be the chance I've been longing for to live my Olympic dreams.